There are so many articles, books, and everything out there to try to aid a person to find strength to move on from past endeavors. I didn’t have to read anything to realize that I have to look deep inside myself and make choices about my health and job, and focus on school to help me move on. And I need to occupy myself with more things. It’s definitely hard though. What are people supposed to think about when they lay down to sleep. I dread laying down some times because I know I’m going to think about him and past mistakes. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty, because he cheated and dug his own hole and then tried to drag me into it…and she was going to find out eventually. But I keep thinking about what my mom says, and ask myself WHY did I even get in to the situation to begin with. Of course it was just me thinking that i have moved on, using drastic decisions to cover up for what I was still hurting inside.

I don’t know what’s going to come of the next months. I’ve been searching for a new job and trying to prepare myself for school next week so I can graduate this spring. It’s definitely hard. I made a doctors appointment, and it’s definitely my new years resolution to stop trying denying help and just take it already…because I’ve seen what the opposite does and I don’t like it. It’s not going to be easy, and I know I’m gonna have those times where I just don’t wanna do it anymore, but in the back of my mind I must remember what it’s like and the consequences of what got me here in the first place….